Friday, 6 April 2012
Accidental encounters of an Eastern nature
Quite what a Japanese Taxi driver was doing, driving a French made Taxi cab in an English town, I am not quite certain? Suffice to say his skills of observation were somewhat lacking, as were his collision avoidance skills, but what the blighter had was manners.....damn fine manners...... worthy of the best of British.
I refer of course to a sad turn of events which in part has kept me from my gentle readers and saw both myself and the faithful old Pash being knocked over by said nipponese bounder at the entrance to a seaside Tescos. Dashed if I wasn't poleaxed, sent west by the rather more than a glancing blow of a ferocious side swipe as the little Jap Chap swung his vehicle into my path desperately seeking to pick up an old bint hailing for all she was worth!
The really impressive thing was that although I saw it coming, as I span up into the air a rather rarified calm came over me, and once deposited on the ground I was rather more astonished that annoyed. Our Rising Sun protagonist was by my side quicker that you could say "samurai sword", bowing low and proffering me a hand. Lifting me up he proceeded to dust me down uttering a "Hawwwww......apowogies, my humbrul apowogies , so sowwy, so sowwy.....I hope no damage done done.....apowogies"....he then helped me pick up the Pash....pedal askew, handle bars twisted.....and bowing low once again shook my hand and quit the scene with his new female spinster fare firmly deposited in the back seat?
I really had no idea what hit me, and like the English man I am, I felt only the sort of reluctant modestly uttered shame that a misfortune not of ones own making can engender in an English male. A number of tender souls managed to rush to my aid and offered their support but I really was far healthier than anyone who had been sent over the top of their handlebars had any right to be. I remember feeling a tad giddy and the pain in my knee where the Hackney Carriage had first struck me took on a throbbing sensation of rather alarming quality, but other than that, I felt reasonably normal.
I remember thinking clearly that darkness had played its part in the collision. It was very dark, yellow sodium "eco-bloody-friendly" street lamps making little difference to the gloom, and I had had a couple of close shaves the day before in similarly darkened circumstances. That had made it clear to me that poor light is a threat to the cyclist almost as much as it is to myopic English Batsmen, despite the fact that I have four separate illumination systems on the old Pash, all four being of a incongruous modern stamp on so fine a vintage machine.
In a rather odd moment of lucidity I managed to look up to see a veritable oriental angel standing over me, and despite the darkness of the day, & the strangeness of my recent encounter with the cab, I could not help but notice the shapeliness of her stockinged legs and the whiteness and diaphanous nature of her skimpy panties beneath her dress.
Of course being the type of jolly throwback that I am, stiff upper whatsit (and an increasingly stiff upper "whatsit" given the view, despite the proximity of unhappy circumstance) I put on my best Blitz spirit and laughed the whole thing off. She gazed down upon me sympathetically and in a charmingly genteel manner offered me a refuge in her flat nearby.
Suffice to say having taken the offer up with gusto, she seemed impressed with the "carry on regardless spirit" displayed by yours truly and to her enormous credit she managed to make considerable acrobatic effort to ensure that she reached high up into her cabinet to obtain a glass exposing once more the slight lace covering beneath her flowered skirt. Bravo thought I and drank down with gusto the orange juice she had kindly poured me hoping to sample both sweet and sour during the course of the evening ahead. It should be enough to say that it was not only my wounded knee that enjoyed the gentle and tender ministering's of my new found oriental Florence Nightingale.
During a rather pleasant sustained romp I discovered that if Japan had caused the injury, it was to South Korea that I owed my rescue, which just goes to show that one should never look adversity in the eye without a smile.....I may have been sent west for a moment but was dragged back east to my eternal gratitude and pleasure!