Christmas; A tale of snow, sirens, too much booze and far too many puddings

Dear All,

I am rather ashamed to admit this, but the blog, and my commitment to cycling, has been somewhat underplayed during the festivities. I fear, dear fellow travellers on two wheels, that I ended up becoming distracted by a surfeit of wine, women, and song ...(not to mention lashings of over-sweetened puddings).... in the wilds of Exmoor, all to the sad exclusion of my dear, dear Pashley and the open road (albeit that the open road seemed rather blocked due to mountains of the white stuff!).

I put it down to personal gullibility on the female issues....(and I seem to have developed a rather unpleasant itch "down below")......, a lack of personal restraint on the alcohol front, and the influence of the winter solstice upon my latent singing talents, (or non-singing talents as you may wish). In respect of my dearth of cycling, I put that down to an overly concerned attitude to the effect the great quantities of salt heaped upon our roads in the past few weeks might have had upon the brave Pash’s steel....poor dear boy.

The grave reality of all this unrestrained bed hopping, wine guzzling and throat stuffing (itching aside) has been a considerable gain in girth. Two whole kilos!...that’s 4.5 lbs to all you Yankee leaning Johnnies!

I got to musing upon the effect of cycling upon the old calorie count. How effective would my return to cycling be in reducing my girth?....(the effect of cycling upon itching genitalia will have to wait for another post).

My research suggests several factors impact weight loss, yet in simple terms, you must burn more calories than you consume to lose weight. To lose one pound, you must shed 3,500 calories through exercise, diet or a combination of both. The experts contend that exercise helps you maintain a healthy weight because generally, as your weight and intensity of activity increases, you burn a greater number of calories. So much for the basic science. I must admit that before becoming a gentleman of leisure, I was always struck by the refusal of fat colleagues at work to see that the process of weight reduction was such a simple process. East less. Move more.

I am reliably informed that taking a gentle stroll around the park for half-hour at a pace of 3.5 mph burns around 120 calories for the average 125lb person. The same activity burns 149 and 178 calories, respectively, for a 155- and 185-pound person. So interestingly fat people can get thinner faster than thin people. If you increase the pace of your walk so that conversation with a chum might be a tad difficult, say up to 4.5 mph, the 155-pounder loses 188 calories. Turn your walk into a jog, averaging less than a 10-minute mile, and a 155 pound person burns 223 calories.

Now here is the interesting bit for all the devotees of the velocipede. According to my research, which includes the pages of some august Harvard Medical Journals, and rather counter intuitively,............ cycling delivers greater calorie expenditure than walking.

Over the course of a half-hour leisurely 12- to 13.9-mph bike ride those of you weighing 155lbs and sensible enough to adopt two wheels will burn 298 calories. At 14 to 15.9 mph, that number climbs to 372 calories. Twirling the pedals along at a serious pace of 16 to 19 mph facilitates the loss of 446 calories. At a race-worthy pace of greater than 20 mph, a 155-pound person stands to lose 614 calories each half-hour. How utterly splendid I hear you cry.

So if I can manage 15 hours cycling over the next two weeks, according to my calculations I can reduce my girth back to pre-Christmas proportions........its effect upon the discomfort in my nether regions however,......... is yet to be calculated.